When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
