we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
