I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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