My hand turned me down
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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