How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
pray to the hookup gods
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
