she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
