FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
