She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
