My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
