He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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