Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
