My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
