I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
