im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
