hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
