Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize