i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i believe in u and ur pee
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
