the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I intend to get homeless drunk
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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