Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
tell me about the fingering
Randomize