Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So much Jack, so little girl.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
