she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
