Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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