I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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