Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
