Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
