If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
