At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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