arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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