I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
