It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
