you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
