God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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