he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
