billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
