Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
