4 words: hood of his car
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't deserve a penis
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
