So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
3 2 1 whiskey
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
