you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
