A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
