I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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