Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
