you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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