i was born a porn star she said
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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