i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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