If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
