we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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