Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
