Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
