My girlfriend figured out who you are.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
