I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
