Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
