dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I puked a lego.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
