He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
