i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
