I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
