I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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