I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
