oh god the rape fog is back!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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