the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
