i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
