I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
