It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
