Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
