so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
