I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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