i wish starbucks made bloody marys
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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