Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
