I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
