Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
