trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
