Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
