woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We were destined to go to rehab together
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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