Plan B is the new Plan A
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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