is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Be still, my beating vagina.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
