I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
