Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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