there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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