she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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