I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
